A Three Part Series
Part Three: Moments of Mutuality: Using Guided Imagery to Maintain Relational Connection
It should come as no surprise to any trauma therapist that the abrupt changes to face-to -ace therapy precipitated by the pandemic have been particularly activating for our clients—especially those with early attachment wounds. Our clients who did not form secure attachment strategies during their early development and have yet to earn secure attachment in adulthood are generally unable to recognize and communicate relational needs. If and when they do ask for support, they are rarely able to take it in. Now, add to this already precarious situation a governmental stay at home order that mandates therapists to quarantine and remain physically distant from them. Again, is it at all surprising that most are struggling mightily to adapt?
Of the interventions that have been helpful, guided imagery tops my list. Its beauty lies in its simplicity: guided imagery only requires one to activate—or create and reinforce—a neural network. In this case the neural network will be one that was created in of what my mentor, Mary Lou Schack, refers to as a Moments of Mutuality. (Carl Rogers described this type of moment as an “experiential meeting of persons in which each of them is changed.”) Irrespective of whether the moment occurred between your client and you or between your client and a loving friend, relative, or spouse, memories of moment have already been stored in a neural network. And, neural networks can be reinforced (making it much more likely to occur spontaneously) simply by recalling the moment’s imagery (i.e., sights, sound, smells, tastes, and tactile sensations) and then experiencing the emotions and body sensations that accompany that imagery. The more we recall and imaginally re-experience it, the stronger it will become.
We know the mind is a powerful thing. By imagining previous moments of connection in which we felt seen, heard, held and validated, we are reminded of our ongoing social and emotional connections, even if physical connection is not possible.
Guided Imagery with Belleruth Naparstek
The purpose of your recording of the scripts for your clients is twofold:
The explicit message contained within the script, along with the transition object* that the familiar human voice provides. Once recorded, the clinician’s reading of the script is with a musical background that when listened to (with headphones or earbuds) provides the listener with an auditory form of alternating bilateral stimulation.
FYI: The use of alternating right, left stimulation (i.e., both hemispheres) is for the purpose of activating both hemispheres for processing and integrating information.
* Many clients find it helpful to have concrete transitional objects as well. One way for clinicians to present such objects to clients is to offer him/her an array of stones, feathers, pieces of driftwood, etc., and invite him or her to choose the one that is most attractive. Allow the client to hold and handle the object during session, then ask the client if s/he/they would like to take it with him/her/them. Subsequently, the object can serve as a mediator and “transitional object” in the literal sense of the term, namely as a “third object” between the client and the clinician. Its purpose is to evoke memories of the interactions between client and clinician and the positive emotions associated with the attachment relationship.
To create your own with music, visit: Indie Music Box:
How to Make a Guided Meditation with Music by Indie Music Box
Below is a scripted guided imagery specifically for disrupted attachment.Repair-enting: Imagery for Disrupted Attachment
This imagery exercise is designed to facilitate the development and introjection of an emotionally attuned, mirroring, nurturing attachment figure—a competent inner parent providing unconditional positive regard—not unlike Winnicott’s “good-enough mother.”
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Allow yourself to be comfortable, either lying down or sitting up, with your back, neck, and spine fully supported. Knowing that you will not be interrupted for the next little while, begin by gently closing your eyes.
(Clinician should breathe audibly with the exhalation longer than the inhalation.)
Now bring your attention to the direct experience of your breath—however it is, and however it changes. Allow yourself to softly focus your awareness on the breath that is arising right now . . . the in-breath and the out-breath . . . the rising and the falling. If you can, try to follow one full cycle of the breath from the beginning of the in-breath through its entirety to the beginning of the out-breath through its entirety. Allow yourself the time and the space to be in direct contact with the breath throughout one entire cycle.
(Clinician should breathe audibly with the exhalation longer than the inhalation.)
As you continue to pay attention to the breath, you may notice distractions that arise. Just allow yourself to notice those distractions . . . any bodily sensations and any thoughts that may arise. If
possible, allow yourself to become aware of the separateness of those bodily sensations. Notice how those sensations are separate—distinct from your thoughts, your ideas, and your words.
(Clinician should breathe audibly with the exhalation longer than the inhalation.)
Now, as you continue with this focused awareness, you will notice how often you lose contact with the breath . . . maybe you become caught in a thought or an idea or plan or maybe some other bodily sensation pulls your attention. When a distraction happens, simply notice that you have lost connection with the breath, and gently bring your awareness back to the breath.
(Clinician should breathe audibly with the exhalation longer than the inhalation.)
Gently bring your awareness to any sensations in your body. Notice any tension, pressure, tightness, warmth, coolness, pain, or other recognizable sensations. You may also notice that the thinking part of your brain wants to label these sensations. Allow it, and then gently return your awareness to the direct experience of the sensations themselves. If you’d like, begin to notice sensations in various parts of the body. You might begin with the feet, working your way up the body . . . noticing the ankles, shins, knees, thighs, buttocks, hips, lower back, upper back, shoulders, biceps, elbows, forearms, wrists, hands . . . now beginning again at the neck . . . jaw . .. behind and under the eyes, forehead, crown of the head, and finally the back of the head. If you’d like, you may consciously relax any overly tight muscles—noticing your choice to do so or not.
Maintain this awareness for the next little while. (Wait 45 seconds.)
Now gently allow your attention and awareness to rest on any sensations in the abdomen or belly area. Notice any sensations—whether “comfort” or “discomfort.” Without any effort to distract yourself from them or to change them, allow the sensations to just be there. If you do try to get rid of them or distract yourself from them, simply notice that you have done so, then gently return your awareness to the sensations.
Maintain this awareness for the next little while. (Wait 45 seconds.)
Now, with a gentle breath, bring to mind a time when you were close to—that is, physically close to—somebody; somebody you could trust, fully and completely. It could be anybody: a parent or grandparent, sister or brother, or a family member; it could be a friend, a partner, or anybody else—anyone with whom you have had many experiences of complete trust.
If you are unable to conjure such a person, bring to mind a childhood pet to whom you felt connected and whom you trusted completely.
Bring to mind the image of this person or pet. Invite this person or animal to be here with you now. Take as much time as you need to feel this presence fully. Look deeply into the face of this person or pet, seeing as clearly as you can. While gazing into one another’s eyes, take a few deep breaths—holding this experience of connection.
Now bring to mind a time in your early childhood when you felt happy—just comfortable, unworried, and at ease . . . it may be a time when you were with this trusted person or pet. With that image in your mind, gently bring your attention to your abdomen, noticing any sensations associated with this memory of contentment and happiness in childhood.
Looking deeply into the face of the person or pet, notice their reaction to your experience of this fond memory. Perhaps you see no reaction, and if that is the case, simply notice and then return to your attention to your own emotions and bodily sensations. If you see a reaction on the face of the person or pet, notice it . . . and then again notice your own emotions and bodily sensations and/or feelings about the other’s reaction.
Maintain this awareness for the next little while. (Wait 45 seconds.)
Now, bring to mind a time in your early childhood when you felt emotional discomfort—maybe a time when you felt threatened, frightened, frustrated, angry, helpless, or ashamed and humiliated.
Begin looking deeply into the face of the person or pet and notice their reaction to your experience of this unpleasant memory. Perhaps you see no reaction, and if that is the case, simply notice and then return your attention to your own emotions and bodily sensations. If you see a reaction on the face of the person or pet, notice it . . . and then again, notice your own emotions and bodily sensations and/or feelings about their reaction.
Try and stay with this experience of your mutual reactions for at least 15 seconds.
Now, letting go of that image, refocus your attention on your breath—the direct experience of the breath—however it is . . . and however it changes. Allow yourself to softly focus your awareness on the breath that is arising right now . . . the in-breath and the out-breath . . . the rising and the falling. If you can, try to follow one full cycle of the breath from the beginning of the in-breath through its entirety to the beginning of the out-breath through its entirety. Allow m yourself the time and the space to be in direct contact with the breath throughout one entire cycle.
(Clinician should breathe audibly with the exhalation longer than the inhalation.)
Now, consider the possibility that you may presently have such a person or pet within your own mind. Allow yourself to conjure an image or concept of such a being . . . allow it to take any shape or form.
Give yourself a few moments to observe this being. Notice its qualities. . . . Does it appear soothing? Receptive and attuned? Kind? Concerned? Understanding? Does it appear forgiving? Charitable? Patient and tolerant? Does it seem as capable and competent? Reliable and trustworthy? Nurturing and devoted as the person or pet with whom you interacted just a few minutes ago?
Now, make some gentle inquiries about this being, “Does this being appear to be disapproving and judgmental or loving and accepting? Does it appear to be kind and generous or mean-spirited and inconsiderate? Does this being appear to provide safety and security or does it appear dangerous? How do you feel about this entity? Do you trust this entity or not?”
With this new entity in mind, gently allow yourself to notice any sensations in your body . . . paying particular attention to your abdomen . . . noticing any feelings that come up around this being. Just for a moment, withholding any labels or judgments, allow the sensations and feelings to remain in your awareness.
(Wait 45 seconds.)
Now, keeping this being close, bring to mind a time in your early childhood when you felt happy—just comfortable, unworried, and at ease. With this image in your mind, gently bring your attention once again to your abdomen—noticing any sensations associated with this memory of contentment and happiness in childhood.
Now, looking deeply into the face of this being, notice the other’s reaction to your experience of this fond memory. Perhaps you see no reaction, and if that is the case, simply notice and then return to your attention to your own emotions and bodily sensations. If you see a reaction on the face of this being, just notice it . . . and then once again, notice your own emotions and bodily sensations and/or feelings about the other’s reaction.
(Wait 45 seconds.)
Again, keeping this being close, bring to mind a time in your early childhood when you felt emotionally uncomfortable—maybe a time when you felt threatened, frightened, frustrated, angry, helpless, or ashamed and humiliated.
Looking deeply into the face of this being, notice the other’s reaction to your experience of this memory. Perhaps you see no reaction, and if that is the case, simply notice and then return to your attention to your own emotions and bodily sensations. If you see a reaction on the face of the being, notice it . . . and then again, notice your own emotions and bodily sensations and/or feelings about the other’s reaction.
Now, with a gentle breath, begin to notice any appraisals, assessments, judgments, opinions, beliefs, interpretations, or any other ideas that occur as you continue to focus on your bodily
sensations, feelings, and/or emotions as they relate to what you have experienced during this meditation.
(Wait 20 seconds.)
Now, letting go of that image, refocus your attention on your breath—the direct experience of the breath—however it is . . . and however it changes. Allow yourself to softly focus your awareness onto the breath that is arising right now . . . the in-breath and the out-breath . . . the rising and the falling. If you can, try to follow one full cycle of the breath from the beginning of the in-breath through its entirety to the beginning of the out-breath through its entirety. Allow yourself the time and the space to be in direct contact with the breath throughout one entire cycle.
(Clinician should breathe audibly with the exhalation longer than the inhalation.)
And when you are ready, begin to notice the chair or bed beneath you. Pay attention to the sensations in your feet. Now your hands . . . gently make a fist, then release it, stretching your fingers wide. Now, bring yourself back to this room by slowly counting up from one to five. When you reach the number five, your eyes will gently open. You will be awake and alert, and feeling only peace. One . . . two . . . three. Take a deep breath . . . four . . . and five.